so angel won't you call me

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 05:28:55 GMT

Mannn. I haven't updated this shit in so long.

Let me kick back and type of a life story.

Well, recently, I've just been studying my ass off. School has been killing me. I'm doing average-poor in my classes and I know I sure as hell could do better. I don't feel as passionate about it as I should though. I think for spring semester, I'm just going to take four easy classes, and kind of kick it back a little bit. Taking sciences and math at the same time just doesn't cut it. Hello to being a teacher.

As for spare time, it's been rockin! In the spare time that I dig up for myself, I've managed to branch out and join a club at UWF. It's called the Progressive Student Alliance and it's probably the most amazing thing I've done so far as far as college goes. Through joining this club, I've learned alot, and branched out alot. Making new friends is always fun. We have been, and still are, talking about fair trade and it's advantages. Planning on showing a documentary on the market for coffee coming up, and we're gonna set up a table and give away fair trade coffee. It's gonna be sweet.

I'm really excited about fall being here. The cold weather brings back memories of when things were ideal. In the grand scheme, this is kind of, well.. extremely depressing, but I'm hoping that everyone will keep their chins up. I'm happy to be able to wear sweaters again, and I'm really, really stoked on making apple cider.

Elections are coming up! Obama '08! It makes me happy that, when I wore my Obama/Biden shirt to class today, I was seeing smiles. I also couldn't help but listen in on conversations regarding Obama. I didn't hear one negative thing!

Also, one of my best friends weddings is coming up. Nervous about that, but shit'll work out.

Hope everyone has been well.

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:56:04 GMT

Ahhh, sweet Livejournal. It has been so long that I've been without you.

Life has been so amazing to me lately. I've finally gotten into a relationship where I actually feel comfortable. I can be myself around him and not have to worry about anything. And he's a great influence, not a drinker or a smoker. So sweet to me, and he treats me the way I need to be treated. Instead of going and doing stupid, immature and irrational things, we sit around and play old school Playstation and watch the Travel Channel. Instead of going and blowing all of our money, we wander around downtown or at Walmart. And I've never had anyone sing to me and mean it as much as he does. I really, truly, one hundred percent couldn't be happier with this. I don't want to lose it.

As far as school goes, I've still see-sawing between majors. I could change it back to GenEd, which would put me with 3 or 4 more classes until I get my AA, or I can switch to Education, and I'd be stuck for another few years. I can't make up my mind. I hate college, and the responsibility, but without it, I wouldn't have straightened up this much. I'm glad to atleast say I'm enrolled and dedicated.

I've come to realize lately the people that I actually love in my life and the people who are just dead weight. I've realized that life means more than partying and staying out late. I've realized that it's time for <b>me</b> to grow up, get a career started, and drive away from this town blowing dust into the faces of those who are too fucked up to notice I've left. When it comes down to it, there are those who have the drive and those who never will. I'm glad I've finally gotten my whole self over the fence and totally motivated. As silly and 'straight' as it may sound, I don't need drugs or alcohol to be a part of my life. I'm perfectly content feeling clean all the time.

I've been trying to meet more people in this god forsaken town that I can socialize with but it's really hard when half of them are either really stuck-up or really heavy partiers. It'll happen eventually. ANYONE WANNA HANG?

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 01:16:55 GMT

I feel lke crap. And part of me is questioning society now. Maybe I should do the hermit thing again, eh? I'm on the hunt for a new job at the moment, hopefully can find that soon.

Fri, 02 May 2008 03:09:32 GMT

It has been 3 days since the accident and I still feel horrible. I couldn't study last night due to zombie state, and all those equations this morning looked like jibber jabber to me due to lack of sleep. I'm trying to convince myself, and everyone else, that it'll be okay. Truth is, I don't know if it will. When I look at Leslie, I feel like daggers are piercing my heart. When I look at Sam, and Katie, I feel the same way. I'm trying to be silly and stupid and just as always, attempting to lighten to mood though I know it's still on everyones minds even if we're all laughing hysterically. Visitation/wake was today. It was absolutely horrible. I was fine until I walked through the doors, and saw him. He didn't even look like Rufus. He looked like a porcelain doll. Busted out in tears, along with everyone else. Such a depressing day. It hurts me to see all my friends sad, and I know it hurts Rufus too. I picture him sittign up in heaven with some crazy mix drink and a joint, chain smoking, and screaming down at us to stop crying and have a drink. And I did. And it felt good. It's still sad, but it's what he would've wanted.

I've come to the conclusion that when I pass away, I want my funeral to be hilarious. I don't want tears, I want laughter. I want no makeup, no matter how I pass, with glitter all over my face and huge sunglasses and bright blue lipstick. I want someone to put an UNLIT! cigarette in my mouth and bury me with a case of beer. I want there to be happiness. I don't want people to cry over me. No one does. It's hard, but ...

Dear Rufus,
We really miss you man. I was drinking a High Life tonight and I'm hoping you're up there drinking one too. I love you.

- Amanda

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 05:20:08 GMT

So, I'm starting my own garden. I've got a relatively large space set up in my backyard where I'm planning out my garden. My flowers that I got the other day are already out there. My herbs are in my room on my sill. I'm planning on growing tomatoes, summer squash, and radishes .. along with some yum yum fruits too. I figure since I love being outside so much, and I'll have so much free time in the summer .. that I might as well make myself useful.

Maybe I'll grow up to be like my mother after all.

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 14:57:57 GMT

One piece bathing suits are in again! Yay! I love them, always have, more than tankinis and defiiiiinitely more than bikinis. It's such a classic look. I always think fifties/sixties or the eighties and Claudia Schiffer circa 1980's in her white swimsuit. One piece! I've found quite a few I like, butt.. decisions will not be made immediately at all because honestly, I have a swimsuit, and there's definitely not anything wrong with it, so I'd just be psfftttiing my money away.

Weasled my way out of work today, so I'm going to go hang out with Amber around two or three. Maybe we shall pack a picnic of vegetarian goodies because she is my vegetarian friend. I made a yummy tofu snack last night, might try it again.

BUT! Time for class, weeee.

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 04:04:23 GMT

all i gotta say is despite the fact that i don't have another day off until next monday, i'm poor, i'm unmotivated (as of late), and i'm kinda on the low.. i really, really love life.

that is all!

( i've consumed wayyyy too much fiber filled items today. salad, two water bottles mixed with fiber infused stuff, two cups of coffee [ no fiber, but still makes ya' poop ], and kashi cereal.. )

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 20:07:13 GMT

Ohhhh what a glorius, beautttttttttttttiful day. Time to take pup to the bay and bask in rays and maybe I'll just sit and read for a bit. =]

I wish that the sun wouldn't set and it'd be this nice out for the next 10 hours.

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 13:50:34 GMT

Lately, I've felt like people just don't want to be around me. I guess if I was a horrible person, I could understand that, but I'm not . The phone works both ways, and I've tried to to call all of my friends with no luck. There are maybe two people that have actually hung out with me lately that I've called. Sometimes my friends make me feel like an idiot for talking, because they don't say anything back. Am I wasting time? Sorry if I'm an inconvenience in your life. Sometimes I just feel like my old friends are slipping away. Sad, but it is part of life. I can stay at home and paint and read all day forever, that's fine with me. A little human interaction would be nice, but, hey.. can't always get what I want.

On a brighter note, I've completely switched to the vegetarian lifestyle. It's healthier for me in the condition that I am in, and plus, I'm feeling alot better since I haven't eaten meat, as far as my body goes. I wake up in the morning, pour a glass of soy milk, make some toast or something, go to class, come home & eat a yummy little lunch, and then come up with a kooky idea for dinner. It's quite an awesome diet, yes. And usually, at night, I'll find myself doing a workout of some sort.

Also, when I was at Walmart last night getting some more soy milk, I noticed how many organic things they've started to carry. I think it's ridiculous knowing how Walmart is behind closed doors. I read about it when I got home and apparently they're trying to "up urban appeal". Yeah, instead of promoting healthy eating, we want to make our store look good. Makes me want to not shop at Walmart anymore . Unfortunately, I have to. They're so cheap! I fail.

ALSO! Why are there so many pomegranate things on the market that DON'T TASTE LIKE POMEGRANATE? You trendy fruit, you.

Oh, and .. yoga on thursday!

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 19:28:56 GMT

I' m seriously thinking about taking a class this week at a yoga studio downtown. I was just messing around today and doing this quick little yoga workout and I realized, I'm not flexible at all. So, the classes are offered all week and I'm gonna hit one up. I need to be active again, anyway. Yoga just makes me feel good.

Also, gonna start cooking more vegetarian foods in the house. That is extremely exciting for me. =]

Hope everyone is doing well. I have to go to work in an hour and suffer for seven hours. >.<

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 05:32:00 GMT

My cat better stop swatting me in the face with her tail before I go kung-fu on her ass. She's getting pleasure out of it cause I pissed her off.

Life wise, things are wonderful. I never update my journallleee anymore. Ever. I get online mostly to check for updates regarding 'Roo and to see if I've got any emails.

Anyway, school is going quite well. I'm glad I only stuck with two classes this semester. I think I COULD have handled more, but I feel at ease. My Cultural Anthropology class is extremely interesting. My prof. is a bit headstrong but I guess she takes some getting used to from what I understand. Math is easy peasy at the moment. I know it'll get hard though. I am not one hundred percent sure what I want to take next semester. It's a bit early to be thinking about it, I know, but I really wanna figure it out before it's the last day, AGAIN. I'm considering doing Independent Studies for Ceramics, and maybe a foreign language class and Mythology. Dunno yet. Just need to get through this semester.

And, I know I say it every year but this year I'm being serious. I'm going to Bonnaroo. Hands down. I've heard the RUMORED lineup, and it sounds amazing. But, I really don't care. i know, regardless, there will be bands that I will enjoy or haven't heard of and can learn to enjoy. I've reaquainted myself with an old friend and we talked about it, and she offered to drive. So, there is my ride. She went last year and swears up and down that, no matter what, she's going again this year. She already has her money for her ticket. I, on the other hand, do not have the money for mine. But, that's okay.. I will in a week or two.

I've been seeing alot of my Mila Pila godchild lately. She's grown so much since I last saw her, and she's talking fluently and all. I just wanna hug her all the time. But, seeing her so much has made me realize again how much I love kids, and have decided to maybe MAYBE turn my major back to Early Education. Maybe minor in Art once I get into a university. We'll see! But, her and her mother are now a part of my life again and lord knows, I missed them so damn much. No seperations now.

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:51:34 GMT

I'm tired of sitting around the house either on my laptop, or doing some silly thing. I'm tired of sitting. I feel like a disgusting slob and it's going to be fixed. I'm not going to settle for this anymore. I'm going to rejoin Pensacourt and by summer I'm going to have lost some fucking weight. It's not even funny how bad I've gotten recently. I've eaten Whataburger biscuits way too much, munched down on other food way too much, and now I just feel disgusting, overweight, and unhealthy. I used to be thinner than I am now, and I felt so good about it. Not only because of my size but because I lost so much body fat. But now I'm right back up again and it's pathetic. I want to feel good in a bathing suit. So, along with the gym, dare I say it, I will go to the tanning bed again. I just want to take care of my body and look good once summer rolls around. There is no excuse anymore. If I'm not working, I'm sitting at home on this computer, and if I'm not doing that I'm *sitting* around at a friends house, drinking beer. Makes me feel shitty. I'm going to OVERCOME this. Pensacourt, here I come. Healthy diet, here I come. Brand new me, here I come.

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 07:21:24 GMT

So this is my first update via laptop. I love it. I don't think I've ever loved anything of mine as much as I love this thing.. although, my old American Girl dolls do come close.

I feel at a loss for love. I feel like no matter how much I try with relationships they never work out. It's like an endless pattern, or circle. Just keeps going and going and going. I'd like for things to come together because I know I'd probably enjoy a relationship right now, but at the moment, things are just a little off center. I love my situations but I don't love how I think of them. I know I talk bad about just about every love interest I've ever had, but... I think I'm serious now. Maybe. Who knows?

I got word tonight that everyone who has been working at Joann for more than 6 months gets a gift card after inventory. I'm stoked. I really want that gift card so I can buy fabric. But, unfortunately, the inventory date isn't until February.

I need to get better at shooting pool. I've been so horribly bad lately that it's actually semi depressing. I was doing good for a while though. I think I only take my game seriously when I'm playing Katie. It's ridiculous. I should take my game seriously all the time. But, alas, I don't. Meh.

I don't really know what to say. I'm tired and a bit tipsy off vodka and grapefruit juice. I guess it's time for bed. Looking forward to the few days that my parents will be gone. It'll be nice to have everyone over at MY house for once, instead of Rufus's. He always has to host, and I feel bad sometimes.

Anyway, good day everyone. Hope everyones weeks are going well. School starts back in a week!

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 16:13:15 GMT

Christmas was actually quite lovely. I hope everyone else's Christmas was too! I think my two biggest gifts were my laptop and my sewing machine, which are both amazing. I've already sewed a purse. I kind of want to sew another one before work today, now that I have the hang of it. Butttt, I'll wait. The laptop was unexpected though, cause I didn't ask for it. But, it's a nice little laptop. I've been hopping back and forth between both the machine and the laptop. But, I got a few neat other gifts. A really comfy robe, a beautiful watch, a hundred bucks to Target, fourty dollars, a really nice crystal heart necklace, just random little things. But anyway, I'm pretty happy. I hope everyones Christmas was wonderful! I have to go back to work today unfortunately,but, I'll live! Payday on Friday. Wooooooooo. I'm flat broke because of the holidays.

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 18:33:43 GMT

Sometimes I feel like when I talk, people listen but don't care. I feel like the things I say are just passing through. No one realizes that it may hurt my feelings when there is no response or when the reply is a bit harsh. I like laughing and smiling and having things to say to my friends. But when my friends make me feel no so loved, it's hard to play along as well. I'll figure something out. I've just learned to keep to myself alot more.

I wish Christmas would hurry up and get here so I can just use my sewing machine. That's all I asked for this Christmas and that's what I got, or atleast what I think I got. I got my dad a fancy LSU hat (and two cigars, the hat wasn't alot of money), and I got my mom a new mixer (like those Kitchen-Aid ones where the bowl is attached and it spins around the mixer thing? She's always wanted one). I like the whole deal this year that my family is doing. One gift for eachother and that's it. We always waste so much money on the holiday buying things for eachother that we never use, it's ridiculous. My parents always seem to go broke after Christmas every year and it's not fun to watch. The season is about joy, and being together. I'd much rather just be around my family on Christmas day, not throwing around the same Christmas presents I get every year; more clothes and gift cards. I do love clothes and gift cards, but.. it's not what it's about. =] It seems like the whole idea of Christmas has been warped from what it actually means. Very sad. But, atleast I know that when I'm sipping on a mimosa with my parents on Christmas morning, that we'll be set and secure with money in the bank and we'll all be happy.

I'm glad that it's break time now. I don't want to go back to school though. Blech. Oh well, atleast I did well in all of my classes. Wooo.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and doesn't forget the TRUE meaning of it! Happy holidays, all! May joy be bestowed upon you this season.

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 05:16:33 GMT

I find myself constantly thinking about what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Do I want a job I don't look forward to but make alot of money at? Or do I want a job that I love but don't make alot of money. Alot, moreso meaning sufficient. School has been stressing me out lately, but that'll come to an end in a week or so. Until then, stress on.

But, I did win $500 on a scratch off the other day. I thought that was pretty damn sweet.

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 19:57:32 GMT

every little thing in life is in harmony right now. i don't want it to change but i know it will. maybe in a matter of years, months, days, hours.. even minutes. but right at this moment, everything feels perfect.

i miss old friends. i'd like to see old friends. i'd also like to see new friends.

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 13:15:03 GMT

I'm definitely not in the mood to go to school today. Not like it's a big deal. Benton told us we didn't have to come to class but for 5 minutes to get our tests. That's like, once in a lifetime thing. I'm just a bit on edge. I've got a paper due in his class next Wednesday and a speech to present tomorrow in Public Speaking, which will MOST LIKELY be fine, but honestly, I have no clue.

Hours got cut at work, so last night, instead of working until 10, I was only there until 9:30. The store looked so bad though, not even kidding. I didn't want to leave crafts in the shape that it was in but we had to leave seeing as we were originally supposed to leave at nine. And tonight, I'm only there until nine too. It'll be nice, cause then tomorrow I'll just go to class and present my speech and do whatnot and then be lazy for the rest of the day. Maybe I'll clean up my room, or work on my painting some. Hmm.

We get paid Friday. Payday excites me. I keep reminding myself of all the things I'd like to purchase but I always seem to talk myself out of buying ANYTHING that would be useful. Pft.

And lastly, my birthday is December 4th. I'm planning on doing something really neat. Like, actually inviting 30-40 people and going bowling or going to the skating rink. I think it'd be fun. But, I need more ideas. So far, I've thought of ice skating, bowling, skating rink, and having a cookout at my house. I'm really excited about it. I want to make invitations. I think that's the only reason I'm doing it, too. Haha, not really. I just wanna have a fun birthday.

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 07:42:08 GMT

You say you want a revolution? Well, you know; we all want to change the world.

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:21:32 GMT

Wel l, that was weird. I had the almost worst feeling ever yesterday. My body was extremely sore, my nose was too stuffed to breathe through it, my throat was killing me, and my head felt like there was a helium tank in it. This morning I wake up and the only thing that I still have is a stuffy nose and a slightly sore throat. The pharmacist at Albertsons last night told me to take ibuprofen, so I did, and I guess it really did work. But anyway, I'm pretty relieved seeing as today, tomorrow, and Sunday are my days off. Woopie.

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 12:38:40 GMT

La, la, la .. la, la.. how have you been, Livejournal friends? Though I speak to you all in real life for the most part, I'd like to know what is going on in your lives. Since, honestly.. nothing is going on in my own.

I'd like to invest in my vehicle right now, so that I can go to New Orleans and not have to worry about a way to get there.

No one writes in their journals anymore.

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 12:22:45 GMT

I type this at 7:22 in the morning. I'm awake this early, only because I have to leave for Ceramics in about 40 minutes. I don't know why I really don't want to go to school today. I went to bed relatively early last night. Maybe I didn't sleep well. Hm, who knows. Yeahhh.

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 07:25:36 GMT

I just attempted to write this long entry about myself, and my past, but as soon as I finished the paragraph about my dads suicide attempt, I figured it was getting too personal. So now, I sit here with tears in my eyes, and thanking God, or whoever is up there, that I'm lucky enough to have them both in my life still. I do not know what I would do without them. They're my best friends, my counselors. They're more than parents to me. They're angels. I was blessed to have two souls as wonderful and caring as them to bring me into such a harsh world. Without my parents, there is no way I would have ever made it this far. There is no way I'd be the giving, kind - hearted person I am. There is a God. There is a God that saved my father from leaving this world that night. There is a God that saved our family when it was falling apart.

I sound like I'm 'bragging', or whatnot -- but, I'm not. I'm sorry to those of you whose parents are seperated, or passed away. I feel the deepest sympathy towards you. But, just so you know .. whether they're alive or not, around you or not, they'll always love you more than anything in this entire universe.

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 01:51:46 GMT

Sometimes I think I personally overreact to little things. I guess it's true, that I am senstive.

Classes start on Thursday. I'm excited about that, much. Very much, actually. To the point where I know I'll be happy to go to my math class at 8:30 in the morning. Well, actually -- I don't know about that but, we'll see.

With my few paychecks that I'm going to save, I'm going to look into buying a car for myself. Nothing fancy, and I'm going to keep it under 6000. I can put a down payment of atleast 1,200 down.. so I'm hoping that I'll find something reliable. It'll bring me one step closer to being able to be free! Well, atleast.. once I'm financially stable. My job is keeping me pretty stable right now, I guess. 40+ hours a week will bring me somewhere around five hundred dollar paychecks or more. In a month, that's more than enough to pay for rent somewhere, and a car payment, and my basic necessities.

Blahhhh. Work was good tonight but I'm in awfully bad mood now. But, once again, it's me overreacting.

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 15:59:58 GMT

Boy, do I wish I knew someone who'd want to go backpack Europe with me. I was being nosy in someone elses journal and I saw all these amazing pictures from her backpacking trip and it made me want to go. I looked up the price of hostels and they're so cheap! It's amazing! I want to go so bad. Soooooo bad.